Ponderings

Our new cat, Midnight

So, I have to say that what I've blogged about before

has been much more eloquently stated by a friend of mine, at http://radiationdaze.blogspot.com/2011/03/anger-and-listening.html .   She basically says that it is OK to be angry from time to time. Some fluffy-bunny-type folks just refuse to allow frustration into their world, in my opinion out of fear. Those folks simply will not accept anyone else who might have an angry moment here and there, and instead try to preach to them about how if golly-gee you only took more time to love yourself, you could return to a state of rainbows and flowers and forget all about that challenging emotion.

There's nothing wrong with anger and frustration, and in fact it is healthy to let it out. Those people who preach otherwise are either not being honest with others, or they are not being honest with themselves. The challenge, of course, is to find healthy and constructive ways to let it out.

Look, I like to have my main emotion in life be a positive one. I do, however, have moments...and sometimes entire days (or even a week!) where things pile up and frustrations mount, and I just feel overwhelmed by it all. It's true: sometimes people seem to line up to piss me off. Sometimes I don't allow it to piss me off! I frequently can just take a breather, reconnect, and find my center.

Other times, however, I do get frustrated...and when those buttons keep getting pushed, my healthy action is to let that stress out...that ability that god gave to us to let off steam so that we do not hold it in our bodies and/or manifest it through passive-aggressiveness. 

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I have been feeling many mixed emotions lately. There have just been several different irritations that have gotten under my skin. Firstly, the homeschooling scenario. Instead of being encouraged and congratulated for our choice, we got ambivalence, rejections and discouraging tones ?!?!

Then my coordinator at work informed me that using my laptop on my scheduled breaks is not allowed at work by anyone other than full-time staff members. Apparently some busybody at work saw me on FB (or so she claimed) and tattled on me. I reacted calmly when he mentioned it to me, but afterwards... I mean, I've already been having as stellar week, so it was icing in the cake. I fumed. 

Now, my choice is to not even bring my laptop to school, at least for the time being, because it seems to upset some people that I have my own laptop as a relief teacher (instead of a school-issued one, and in my position they do not issue them to us). I will keep my laptop at home for the most part and just use my itouch if I cannot find a computer to check certain work-related websites or my email...or Facebook. My lunch break is my own. Period. I keep in touch with family overseas via Facebook, and there are times when that connection is important and due to time zone differences cannot always wait for a different time of the day.

I definitely need to do some inner work and meditate on all of this, which I'm hoping will come this weekend. I mentioned the get together with friends this weekend. I definitely plan to make this time all about connecting with others, with myself  and with nature. I really need it, too, because right now I feel my nerves are on the outside of my body. I need to shake off the recent stresses and relax and enjoy some time with people.  I will work through my stress and return to my center and then just go and have fun and try to connect with others. 

Maybe this will put me in touch with some more kindred spirits. 

That would definitely perk up my week!!!