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Ladies, I realize my opinions are not always super popular when I decide to get up on a soapbox. I apologize if anything I write offends anyone. I simply have to stand in my truth as I see it.
I wish I had a nickle for each time I've heard a woman say (or seen her write in a blog) something to the effect of "....and so there I was, pleading with my husband with puppy dog eyes. THANKFULLY, my gracious husband let me buy (insert item here)." Gosh, really?
As far as I am concerned, no one should have to beg to purchase an item unless it costs over...let's say $200. Some families might lower that to around $100 if money is particularly tight. Begging to buy a pair of $25 shoes, for example, seems ridiculous to me! Would your husband come and beg you to purchase a $25 golf shirt? Doubtful.
Listen, if money is super tight in your home (and I DO want to make an argument about how this is about more than money in a moment here...), then I think a budget for both partners in the home to follow is a great idea. It should include 'frivolous' spending cash for each partner. It should be fair and equitable. If the wife is allotted $50/week of friv. money, and she does most of the grocery shopping in the home (with a budget of $200/week for groceries), if she's able to find great deals (spending time clipping coupons and paying attention to sales, etc) to spend LESS than $200, then I think it is perfectly allowable for her to pocket the savings to use as friv. money if she so chooses. The guy has the same leeway! If he pays the electric bill, and his cruisade to get the kids to shut off lights and stuff brings the bill down below the budget for the electric bill, then the guy should feel free to spend that windfall as he pleases as well! It seems like a fair system to me!
So, as I alluded above, this is often more about control than about money. I think I've blogged about this before. Look, I realize that there are some 'traditional' family structures that seem to keep lots of people in their comfort zones. This traditional structure includes the man as the 'head' of the family, the woman as 2nd in command, followed by the kids and then the pets. Look, ladies, there is no reason that you cannot be the queen next to your king in your home. Just because he may make more money than you, does not mean you do not contribute equally to the running of your home and lives.
If you've already given some of your relationship powers away to your man, consider making a few changes. If money becomes an agent of control, then do as I suggested above and create a fair budget that allows for some freedoms where you don't have to beg for each frivolous purchase you make. Sure, larger purchases should and could be discussed together.
There are other ways women give away their power in relationships, but this is just the one that stuck out to me today. There's compromise, and then there is one person lording over another. Aren't we all grown-ups now? The last time I begged permission from someone was when I was 17 and asking to use the car for a date I had.
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